Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize