I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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