My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
