got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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