So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
