I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
there is glitter all over my balls
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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