found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
