hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize