dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
