I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Damn victory sex feels great
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
