It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
