I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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