I wanna bring you to show and tell
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
