I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize