The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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