I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
