If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
