Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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