You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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