Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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