dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
