I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
