Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Couch. On fire.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
