Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
