she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
