she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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