I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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