I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize