peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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