as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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