also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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