imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
this is an emotional support booty call
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize