At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
