I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
