I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
