Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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