College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
