clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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