McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
