Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
