Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
