My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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