Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
