I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
