I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
