I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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