I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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