so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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