We won't sleep together?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
