Who wears a wallet chain?!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
