the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
