please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
