after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
