I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm having to shit out rocks
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
