my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize