When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
