google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
