i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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