Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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