Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize