Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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