was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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