the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I will pee on everything he values.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
