She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
