I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dear god my vagina.
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